Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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