His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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