You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
