My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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