So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
