It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize