I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
