Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
