I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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