You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
