what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
