we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
