Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
