An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
