Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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