why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
