I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
