I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
