I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
