your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
this hospital has no fireball
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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