This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
