she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
