Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
