there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
