I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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