my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
