Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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