I am spending my child support on dildos
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
