Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
