Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
