I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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