omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
