take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
