Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize