Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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