dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
