he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
