How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
