I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
