Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
