she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
