ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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