so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My balls are so social today.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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