HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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