I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
