Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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