what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize