I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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