He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
