Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
