I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
