Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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