I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
