i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
