My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
