you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Found your dick twin last night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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