Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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