using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
