An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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