On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
