so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
