She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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