i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
