I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
