drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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