Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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