Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
