Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
