Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we have officially lost it.
Someone shit on the floor
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
