Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
PANTIES FOUND
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
