I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
