It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize