I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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