Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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