brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Can i not drive my cunt home
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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