I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
