you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
