think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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