Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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