We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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