does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
