i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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