One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You've changed since you got that strap on
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
