it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
