You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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