Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
