yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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