why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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