whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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