Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
