Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
