So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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