WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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