How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
