What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize