Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
