i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I can text with my tongue
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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