Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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