i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
